Amazing

it's amazing what switches your points of veiw...and what stings...everything. But, it's in the past, though there is not a day that goes by I don't think back...with those stupid questions of "What could I have done better? was there something else? could I have said something different? would it have worked anyways?" those stupid little questions. Cause the truth is, it didn't, the end. There's no going back and undoing the past, only making a new future/present/past. But then, that's the beauty(and pain) in life. The journey. what dosn't kill us will make us stronger. And there is many a time I have wished to just curl up and forget about living. However, life dosn't work that way. A simple fact. You have to keep moving...no matter what. maybe take a day off, lay in bed and try to forget, but after that, you gotta stand and walk.
There was a quote from a movie that I adored "You know why we fall down? To learn to pick ourselves back up" it's true...you have to keep learning and again, keep your head up. Omega by stone sour explains the other side, in many ways. how when life gets tough and you've had enough to just give in...not necessarily because that's what's believed but often times that's what happens. I've known people who have given up and just vanished, or even killed themselves. I know another who keeps fighting to live, (and is getting better) but tells me last Christmas was gonna be her last day. ..thank the goddess for tears. In the end, I think you just have to keep storng and forget about today and think "tomorrow WILL be better. Otherwise you'll fall.
Anyways, sorry for the jumpage...it was just a thought that came about after/before I talked to my dad the other night. He told me it'd be okay and made me remember why it was that is. I needed it, at the time. I should remember not to read some things*sigh* anywyas, maybe one day the world will understand me. Maybe one day I'll let them, however, today is not the day. Love you all!!!!

OMG

I got the FAFSA stuff in today!!!!! As long as I keep my grades up and taker 12 classes everything will be good. Life's looking up, motley*dances* and in two months I get a kitty!!!!! Yes, I'm excited..life is grand, but then, isn't it always?
Anyways, it's like midnight, and I just got home. Should eat, not hungry. Being sick for a period of time sucks*sigh* oh well...c'est la vie, ney?
I'm at two thousand words(since last night) in my story...I shall continue on, me thinks...I also have this weekend off, sounds like a good weekend to write...though, I need gas in my car, it's dreadfully low and yelling at me*sigh* dang things thinking they need fuel, sheesh heh, sadly, I've ran the poor thing out a lot of times, so, no need for that again...
anyways, my mind whirling, so you have had a jumbilation of thoughts thrown at you tonight.
OH! my boss at work thinks I'm blond, and not in hair color*sniffles* it's okay, she has right*remembers the night of dumping tables all over the ground* yeah, deffinitly has a right to it. *laughs* god I can be a ditz! anyways, tata for now all.
Love's y'all*huggles*

Another update!!!

Heh, I know, generally I don't update twice in one week, but I'm sick and bored. My roommate ran away from home(actually, she's at a play a "friend" is in...I want to go, just not tonight)
So, I heard from my ex again, she's in a town outside of detroit, I think(can't swear to that...I'm terrible with names) I'm hoping she has fun, it's always nice to run away from home for a bit*sigh* Like the trip to Reno, how I would ~love~ to go back. Though, I might have a weekend to visit Seattle (with me and a couple of friends) it shall be fun!!!! but, all in good time, ney!?
Anyways, roomy's back, and I'm freezing, so blanket time!!! love's y'all!!!!

A Nwer beggining

Ok! So, again, I seem to have lost it. yes, flat out lost it. I have no idea why6, but I decided to jump into this thing(for november) called novel writing..the actual sight is "National Novel Writing Month) So, I'm in. now I need o find a way to come up with 50k (words) before nov 30..I think I can, as I have an Idea in my head...I'm hoping I'll succeed...at least in the first part...so, Vilent Tendencies is finally getting written. FINALLY! anyways, the link, mes amies http://www.nanowrimo.org/user/237356 ! so, watch and we shall see*smiles*

So, life is not bad..things are patched up, work is hectic, tomorrows Halloween, and I have to work ~early~ thursday. oh well, c'est la vie. At least I have a job, right. No, it's fun...just odd hours. OH! I start school soon~happy dance~
Love y'all!!!!

6 months and counting...

It's been almost six months since me and my ex broke up. It surprises me to think it's been that long. The months have passed so quickly and the pain so slowly. It doesn't generally hurt, unless it's an important day where I think of her being there, and then remember. Like the 15 of Oct. I turned nineteen, and it hurt like hell to remember that only my family and friends were there with me, not that I didn't enjoy it, it was just the wish of that something "more". But, it's all for the better, right? no, I know it is.
anyways, I'm nineteen, and my room mate keeps asking me if i feel older yet. I cna't help but shake m head. she's silly. *smiles* I like it though, our place, my life is nice right now. Things are different....I'm working on getting into college, and planning a wedding, and helping with my "niece"she's a good friends child, and they call me auntie...it works, I love her like family. She's cute, to.
We went walking last night(while it poured) I can't explain how much fun it was. to go out at 8pm and just walk in the dark. Not our neighborhood, however., we were somewhere else. Up at a park nearby that i love. The city from that veiw was glorious....it took my breath away. and for a second i forgot about being paranoid.
My car got broken into not long ago, so I have reason to be a little iffy. we aren't in the best neighborhood, but it's not terrible. it could be a lot worse, in fact. I actually like it here, but then I'm not alone, if i was I'd be terrified. So, the doors always locked, the alarms always on, and we're always aware. But, we still try to have some fun*smiles* why not?

A new step

I finally started my job. Have little tyime, but it's cool. I actually have tomorrow off*dances* I'm so happy about that. My bro starts school tomorrow, though...and the tweo guys(yes, guys) I like (the only two I can stand besides family and gay guys) know I like em...which is nice.....I think they knew before I did. least one of them. they both know now, though. OH! and I ran into the most beautiful girl today*happy sigh* only, she was with a group of stuck up females...it made me sad. She was one of those I could have flirted with, if not for said group. dang preps*sad sigh* c'est la vie. Fairs coming to town! I'm going friday, can't WAIT!!!!! sadly, I also have a funeral that day, of someone I don't know...it'll be awkward, for sure.
Okay, enough update. Loves y'all!!!!
P.s. I feel better now. Now that everythings okay, again*smiles* Never forget the past, but don't let it rule you, either.

I have a job(Finally) Only, it hasn't started yet. have actually had it for about a week. Only, it hasn't ~started~ yet. Which is ticking me off, but patience(that's what I keep reminding myslef, patience is the key to life) things have changed a bit, again. But that's okay. Even with the harsh crap said(on both sides) it's okay. I'm glad it's finally completely over. I don't have to worry about the mental crud and confusion my brain was going through. Not only that, I'm okay. Like ~really~ okay. A friend is moving in soon, I'm moving out soon, everything is going great. except that the job still hasn't gotten back to bme about ~when~ I start. And I still have writers block. Oh. Well. *sigh* that was short little update, but it'll work.

the start

I'm exhausted, this week, and last weekend, wore me out. I also havn't been eating much, which isn't helping, cause of the heat. I need to beg to have the house stocked with salads so I can actually eat. Nice and light in the summer, otherwise I get sick...and I can't ~stand~ rice*gags* but twinky's are good, though not with MD, they're ICKA with MD....veryveryvery icka*sigh*

Anyways, I;ve started writing again, I had writers block from hell and forgot what typing was, and writing. Now I need to go through and start/finish stuff...including the collab with a sister, a fun sounding collab as well...I think we hope to bookize it...we just have to start it, first...ahh well, c'est la vie. I love stories that need research...deep reaserch, two wiccan minds writing as a catholic female who is obbsessed with greek mythology and ends up killing her children, but dosn't know it until way later on...yeah, it sounds SO fun, but idfficult...very difficult, at least as a collab...otherwise, I have others to work on, that i have no clue where are going...fun times*smiles*

So, this was just a quick note, that only half involves my life. I hope you all the best, loves to ya!

New Chnaces

It's been almost a year since i was last on. God have things changed...several times, I might add. Oh well, it's all in the past. Anyways, new begginings and all. I'm ghraduated and got an absolutley lovely camera for my graduation gift. I also just got a new phone, cause I lost the last*sigh* to remember how long that day was.
I have a friend in Canada I;ve known for three years, today, he offered me the chance of a lifetime. My head is trying to convince me not to go while my soul wants badley to leave. I love my parents, I love living with my parents, but I want/need out of this town. To move to Canada, start school there, everything...well, it would be like a dream. I want to see the world, why not start near and then branch out. I'll always return to Spokane...but, I have to wonder if it's too good to be true. I want to go for it, I really really do! It's the fear that holds me back. Fear of things I'm not used to...but, maybe I'll thinkon it...no, I will, cause I really want to figure out a way to do it...to leave spokane, get to Ontario, and live there for a while...What will Ray and Mom say,...I know they'll want to say no, but what if it's something I really want to do...something I think is needed? If I decide to go, I can';t be held back. *sigh* what will the summers end bring?