So reading back at my last post, the baby thing wasnt bad, at all. Could have been worse, in fact at some schools it is. The baby hardley cried(well, more then some, but considering..) my sister just had a baby. He s adorable, 2 months, i think. Anyways, I know from my sisters kids, children cry, tons. The fake babie, cant even start to describe.
So schools out, and the final verdict was horrid, but better then it would have been if not for working my arse off in the last 2 weeks of school. No fs, just lots of other crap. gotta love that...Anyways, I have a friend leaving town tomorrow*cries* wish i could go with, but i think its good shes getting away for a bit. Things have been rough latley, and shell prolly enjoy it. Life has been rough on a lot of us, recentley. I suppose thats the way it is. cest la vie....I wish it would all just go *poof* and be better, but thats not likely anytime soon. So, we wait and wait and wait till it does get better. It can ~always~ get worse....So, this is my final advice, live lkike your dying, because you are, in a way, so might as well do it right,
Tor

The first day/4 hours

Ok, so you know those classes that give you the "live baby"(no people, it's not ~really~ alive) well, I'm in one. Interestingly enough, it's a cool class. Easy, fun, and just...Wonderful. Well, today we got the "children." thankfully, it hasn't been so bad. Besides the whole all actions are recorded(or most) and have a friend run up and smack the "babies" head. He's been quit though. Only cried about four times in the past hour. Considering I've been around real children, that's rare. Name, you ask(or some did) wolfien...Yes, you read correctly. I'm a strange name geek...I'd give the name I ~want~ to give a child, but no...Not even going there. I like uniqueness.
So, life. Life has been...Hectic. Very hectic. The drout of depression has finally(mostly) passed. It leaves a small trail, but that' preferable to what it has been. School is getting better, still horrid. All my makeup math is due Friday, all my English is due Friday, oh, and history is due tomorrow. Nice, huh? Anyways as my dad would say(not my father) "who put you on the damn thing anyways?" sooo true. I vow to stop falling behind. I need energy, anyone have some to lone? Anyone at all???
I'm out,
Tor

just a bit of contemplation/telling/whining/confusion

I decided I should ~actually~ use this, instead of letting it rot into another pile of useless crap. Mais, c'est la vie!!! Anyways, this quarter, no year, has been rough. I wish i could figure out why...I feel like throwing everything away. As I've tried to tell a friend, there are days where i wake up, and wanna crawl into a little ball and hide as far as i can. I don't wanna get up, and i deffinitly don't want to face the day. They happen more and more. My sister just says I'm "blue and a drama queen." Lol, teen angst(me), gotta love it. Or not. I don't think that's what it is truelly, and if it is, then thank the gods and goddesses, because then i won't have to deal with this forever. I try all the time to let the bad fall away, and fail...horribly. It's a never ending battle. I mean, yeah, crud happens, but what does it matter? really? again, this is the life though.
Anyways, for the first time in a long time, i yelled at my mother today, and there was a moment of remorse, but only a moment. scaringly. I think i know why though. You see, everytime my mom gets like she was getting, she scares the shit out of me(no, i havn't told her. honestly don't know how) but i hate fighting and people fighting and yelling as well. I hate it when i do it worse, but sometimes, I think the only way you can be heard, is to scream/yell. Well, mom and ray had just had a little...disagreement. We drove off down the road, no big deal. I was still a little unnerved but for the most part ok, just staring out the window thinking(those thoughts will stay private...for reasons unspoken...) When my mother starts to say something. I was listening, but she took it as anger. She always does. I can't stay quit or upset because it means I'm angery at her. You know the truth, i wish that were true...it's not. ~Anyways~ She stopped mid-first sentence and asked me if i would like it if she took me home. I just turned and had to ask why. she got pissy and told me because i was angery at her. I started yelling, at that moment, i was sick of it. I know i shouldn't have, I hate doing that. but there are just times....I don't know, it pisses, and upsets me in other ways. I can deal, but it's the way it is.
My grandmothers here(joy!) but that's a story not to get into, anyways, that may be part of the reason i'm so stressed, I'm really not sure. Or mabey it's because theres a plan in my head i really can't continue because it would hurt so many...but, do you ever wanna get away? for just long enough to live? to breathe? to stop from being confined? you don't care where you go, you just wanna leave? I do, a lot...I know, i'm only 17, but i wanna live before I die...and I havn't done a hell of a lot of that. I wanna travel, see the world. I suppose, though, I'll have lots of time after collage, That's just a long time from now. ahh well, this really id the life...and in truth, for all my whining and hating it(i do in some ways) I love it as well...It's confusing, I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of living...at the same time, I'm afraid of not living~enough~...If that makes any sense.
hugs to all,
Tor

75 bands...this is kinda neat...

There are 75 bands represented in this photo. List only ONE per person. This is fun! Worth re-circulating.
Hit "reply to poster" and copy the code. Then, repost in a new bulletin and add 1 more band...

The start

Well, here we start another blog/journal thingy, and i swore i wouldn't start another. Pah...obviously ~that~ worked.
Anywyas, back on topic we go. So, this being my first entery, I'll just tell you a little about myself.
I'm a literary nerd(but yet am baaaaadddddd with grammer). I adore the night, but only because it aloows a person to forget the city. I hate the city, yet grew up in one, and am, scaringly so, afraid to leave the city grandure. I'm learning french, love biology, come close to hating chemistry, and am ok with math. But none of that matters, it's only a little of my personality. Like it dosn't matter, to me, what gender ANY person loves. Why should it matter? Same oppinion with religion. I'm one of those people who cringe when i relise how much our society has depleted and how the "intelligence" and knowledge have been traded for...other things. It's sadening. Anyways, that's enough for now, my fellow bioforms.